There are several well-known models of grief. In this blog post, we outline each of them, and share both their strengths and limitations to understanding the nuanced and idiosyncratic experience of grieving.
5 stages of grief
The 5 stages of grief model outlines the phases of processing someone who experienced a loss goes through:
Denial: Feeling numb, acting as if nothing has happened, or not quite believing the truth of the situation.
Anger: Feeling that the circumstances are cruel or unfair. Being angry at ourselves or another person.
Bargaining: When we can’t accept that something is out of our control, we try to make deals, or recount all the “what ifs”
Depression: Sadness, longing, pain, fear, sense of meaninglessness.
Acceptance: It is possible to accept what happened, even if we never “get over it.”
Often, this model is taught in a linear way: moving from one stage to the next, until the process is “complete.” But this is rarely the case. We experience these phases in different orders, over varying periods of time, in different ways, and sometimes cyclically.
You can read more about the 5 Stages of Grief model here.
Tasks of Mourning
This model by J. William Worden is designed to help people understand how they grieve and to view grief as an active process:
Task 01: Accept the reality of the loss.
Task 02: Process the pain of grief
Task 03: Adjust to a world without the person or thing you lost
Task 04: Find an enduring connection with the person or thing you lost
These tasks can be and often are completed in order. However, some people may revisit tasks multiple times before “completing” it. And of course, sometimes these tasks are not as simple as they sound, and can require great healing in order to "complete".
You can learn more about the Tasks of Mourning grief model here.
Dual Process Model of Grief
This model includes both loss-oriented and restoration-oriented coping strategies.
Loss-oriented: these are what we think of as "traditional" coping strategies or behaviors, such as ruminating about the loss, experiencing the full range of emotions associated with the loss, or forming some kind of continued relationship with the person/thing you lost.
Restoration-oriented: these strategies involve adjusting to a new identity in response to loss, and can include tactical things like learning new tasks, or emotional things like accepting who you are now, after the loss. This can also include things like distraction.
The dual process model of grief acknowledges that we fluctuate back and forth between restoration-oriented and loss-oriented coping. This means that it's acknowledged and normal to have some days that feel like you can successfully carry on, and other days you can't help but be taken over by the loss, feel depression or numbness. This model recognizes that grief is not linear.
You can learn more about the Dual Process Model of Grief here.
Tonkin's Model of Grief
This model speaks to the process of "growing around the grief.” For example, in the early stages of grief, it can be all-consuming. As more time passes, the grief remains, but other areas of a person's life and world take up more space, and the grief is smaller.
Although the grief might shrink as new experiences, relationships, and events fill one's life, the grief is always there, highlighting a sense of resilience that comes from loss.
This model suggests that we learn to incorporate grief into our overall identity while finding happiness and fulfillment in other areas of life.
You can read more about the Tonkin's Model of Grief here.
Meaning Reconstruction Theory
This model is based on the idea that reconstructing meaning is crucial to the grieving process, and that grieving is an effort to recreate a sense of self in the face of the loss. The process involves creating a narrative for oneself around the loss, a personal sense of self or identity as it relates to the loss, and the lessons gained from the loss.
It's important to note that we all make sense of loss in different ways — and things like culture, age, gender, and other individual factors can all affect how a person reconstructs meaning.
You can learn more about Meaning Reconstruction Theory here.
Other grief theories
There are many different perspectives on grief, and each model has something we can learn, as well as some shortcomings. Below you can find some other takes on the grief experience.