Not sure how to talk about grief? You're not alone. In our culture, grief isn't socialized — this means our culture doesn't embrace it's existence, and has a relatively limited scope of "accepted" or celebrated practices around grief. We're here to change that. This ever-growing Grief Glossary is intended to help you understand the nuanced, multifaceted experience of grief. 

 

Anticipatory Grief 

A feeling of loss before something inevitable has happened. We feel anticipatory grief when we know something is going to happen, such as a loved one being diagnosed with a terminal illness. 

 

Grief Pleasantries

Statements that are meant to offer comfort or support, but often don't empathetically or fully acknowledge the experience of the person who is grieving, and can come across as shallow. For example: everything happens for a reason; if anyone can handle this, it’s you; time heals all wounds; you’re so strong; thoughts and prayers.

 

Secondary Losses

The things that occur as a result of or after the primary loss. Our body does not know the difference between primary and secondary losses: we grieve them all the same. Which means it’s completely understandable that your grief around a specific event feels so big. 

 

Grief-Adjacent

Grief stricken describes someone who is experiencing grief, and is overwhelmed by mental or emotional suffering or distress caused by a loss. In other words: the griever. On the other hand, grief adjacent describes a person who is close to, a witness of, or a supporter of someone experiencing grief. This could be a family member, friend, or even someone you loosely know in your tight-knit community. Why does this distinction matter? It can be hard for the griever if those who are grief adjacent make the experience about them — intentionally or not. In fact, many grievers report that some of the hardest moments they experienced where when others tried to be sad with them, blurring the boundary of grief ownership. 

 

Grief friend

A grief friend is someone you go to with your grief. The person who gets it. You know, the one who can sit next you on the couch with their hand on your knee, not trying to fix anything, but just being there holding the parts of your pain you don’t have any hands left to hold yourself. The one who listens generously, asks the right questions, then offers insightful reflections and well-timed jokes. The one who can sense what you need in any given moment to feel just a little bit better. Not every friend you have is a Grief Friend — and that’s okay. The person who is your Grief Friend might not be the person you are the Grief Friend for — and that’s okay too. 

 

Cope

The dictionary definition of “cope” is “to effectively deal with something difficult.” We don’t really have a definition for what it means to “cope” — which doesn’t make sense considering how often we expect people to know how to do it. Why? The human definition of “cope” exists on a spectrum, with each individual’s definition looking drastically different.